I Hate HMV
I am a relic of sorts, one of the few left that doesn't have an Ipod and rarely downloads any music files. I still go into the music store to shop. There are a couple of reasons why.
I like the artwork and the information given on a store bought CD and DVD. I enjoy knowing at a glance who produced and mixed the music, who session players or guest artists are. I like to see a list of people an artist may thank for their help or influence. I enjoy reading a short history on the production or a biography. I think the artwork works with the music to define an overall "feel" to a release. It helps communicate a certain vision. I like having the real lyrics, not the ones somebody posted on the net incorrectly.
This could all soon come to a crashing end for me. I find myself in a music store no less than twice a month. The last few DVD's I have bought, don't come with anything other than 1 cover picture. No track listings, no thank yous, no background information at all, just a DVD. There is becoming less reason for me to buy from the store, and the stores aren't helping the cause any.
Everytime I go into a store, I head right for the section I want, usually the comedy or heavy metal section. The problem? The section is in a different spot everytime I go in! Where the fuck are the comedy CDs this week? It was here. It used to be George Carlin and Bill Hicks, now its the soundtrack to CATS and Phantom of the Opera.
These corporate assholes have done "research" to find out that we may buy more product if we get lost. If you can't find what you were looking for right away, you may stumble accross something else to buy as well.
This irritates me to no end. I know what I want. I don't want a collection of songs from CATS. I want a Lewis Black CD. That is it! I'm not buying anything else. All that is happening is that I'm getting annoyed because I'm forced to spend more time looking for what I really want in a store frequented by "tweens" clogging up the already narrow aisles looking for the latest Hillary Duff album, that they too can't find, because they moved the latest piece of mind numbing shit section also.
Now I'm stuck in a sea of green haired simpletons, forced to listen to the latest uber hip garbage from an obscure German punk band because Seth is the man in charge behind the counter today and he wants to impress said green haired simpletons by knowing everything there is to know about a band nobody has ever heard of.
The corporation wants me to get lost and buy more than I planned to when I came in. What usually happens is that I end up yelling at "EMO" counterhelp.
I know its not his fault that the store does this, but head office doesn't care that I'm upset, because "research" shows my complaints are statistically insignificant and that net profits are up since they started fucking with the shelves.
If head office doesn't care, and they don't care because I don't make a big enough difference to their bottom line, I'm going to take a different approach. I encourage anybody who is reading this to do the same.
I'm going to make working at HMV as counterhelp so miserable that HMV has a hard time keeping employees. They are an easy target, mostly kids who still live at home who will quickly abandon the $7 an hour if it comes with caustic complaints and mental abuse everytime they try to help a customer.
If we all join forces and give them unrelenting lectures about how getting 37 piercings is just a way to assert your individuality in a way fit for small minded conformists. If you wear fur coats when the vegans are working and tell them how proud you were to be able to club the seal yourself. If when asked at the checkout, "Did you find everything you were looking for today?", we say no and ask them to search in their computer for a Zamfir album that doesn't exist. As they are searching tell them how much better music was in Zamfir's day, and why she will never amount to anything in life worth while. Get her to try a couple of different Zamfir spellings so you can talk to her longer, then tell her to try "master of the pan flute", tell her that you were blown in college by Zamfir and the nick name suits him. If we make their lives miserable everytime we go in the store, quitting and running back to the home that provided the physical and emotional abuse required for them to want the 37 piercings in the first place, will look like a mental oasis in comparison. They will quit in droves, forcing HMV to give them danger pay and stress leave like Air Traffic Controllers because suicide has become so prevelant among its employees. That will get them bad press and cost them enough money that they might actually LEAVE THE FUCKING SHELVES ALONE
Lets do it at Blockbuster too. Anytime somebody in a blueshirt tries to make you feel welcome with a cheery "hello" as you're going through the metal detectors, say to them....Fuck You! Everytime they say hello, they hear fuck you! Wouldn't that be great?
Love Andrew
I like the artwork and the information given on a store bought CD and DVD. I enjoy knowing at a glance who produced and mixed the music, who session players or guest artists are. I like to see a list of people an artist may thank for their help or influence. I enjoy reading a short history on the production or a biography. I think the artwork works with the music to define an overall "feel" to a release. It helps communicate a certain vision. I like having the real lyrics, not the ones somebody posted on the net incorrectly.
This could all soon come to a crashing end for me. I find myself in a music store no less than twice a month. The last few DVD's I have bought, don't come with anything other than 1 cover picture. No track listings, no thank yous, no background information at all, just a DVD. There is becoming less reason for me to buy from the store, and the stores aren't helping the cause any.
Everytime I go into a store, I head right for the section I want, usually the comedy or heavy metal section. The problem? The section is in a different spot everytime I go in! Where the fuck are the comedy CDs this week? It was here. It used to be George Carlin and Bill Hicks, now its the soundtrack to CATS and Phantom of the Opera.
These corporate assholes have done "research" to find out that we may buy more product if we get lost. If you can't find what you were looking for right away, you may stumble accross something else to buy as well.
This irritates me to no end. I know what I want. I don't want a collection of songs from CATS. I want a Lewis Black CD. That is it! I'm not buying anything else. All that is happening is that I'm getting annoyed because I'm forced to spend more time looking for what I really want in a store frequented by "tweens" clogging up the already narrow aisles looking for the latest Hillary Duff album, that they too can't find, because they moved the latest piece of mind numbing shit section also.
Now I'm stuck in a sea of green haired simpletons, forced to listen to the latest uber hip garbage from an obscure German punk band because Seth is the man in charge behind the counter today and he wants to impress said green haired simpletons by knowing everything there is to know about a band nobody has ever heard of.
The corporation wants me to get lost and buy more than I planned to when I came in. What usually happens is that I end up yelling at "EMO" counterhelp.
I know its not his fault that the store does this, but head office doesn't care that I'm upset, because "research" shows my complaints are statistically insignificant and that net profits are up since they started fucking with the shelves.
If head office doesn't care, and they don't care because I don't make a big enough difference to their bottom line, I'm going to take a different approach. I encourage anybody who is reading this to do the same.
I'm going to make working at HMV as counterhelp so miserable that HMV has a hard time keeping employees. They are an easy target, mostly kids who still live at home who will quickly abandon the $7 an hour if it comes with caustic complaints and mental abuse everytime they try to help a customer.
If we all join forces and give them unrelenting lectures about how getting 37 piercings is just a way to assert your individuality in a way fit for small minded conformists. If you wear fur coats when the vegans are working and tell them how proud you were to be able to club the seal yourself. If when asked at the checkout, "Did you find everything you were looking for today?", we say no and ask them to search in their computer for a Zamfir album that doesn't exist. As they are searching tell them how much better music was in Zamfir's day, and why she will never amount to anything in life worth while. Get her to try a couple of different Zamfir spellings so you can talk to her longer, then tell her to try "master of the pan flute", tell her that you were blown in college by Zamfir and the nick name suits him. If we make their lives miserable everytime we go in the store, quitting and running back to the home that provided the physical and emotional abuse required for them to want the 37 piercings in the first place, will look like a mental oasis in comparison. They will quit in droves, forcing HMV to give them danger pay and stress leave like Air Traffic Controllers because suicide has become so prevelant among its employees. That will get them bad press and cost them enough money that they might actually LEAVE THE FUCKING SHELVES ALONE
Lets do it at Blockbuster too. Anytime somebody in a blueshirt tries to make you feel welcome with a cheery "hello" as you're going through the metal detectors, say to them....Fuck You! Everytime they say hello, they hear fuck you! Wouldn't that be great?
Love Andrew
posted by Andrew Evans at 4:47 PM
9 Comments:
your too negative - be more happier, and love yourself.
you should wear more color - and talk about truly important things like MTV and CSI.
a concerned audience member
Its phrases like "be more happier" and the use of "your" instead of "you're", that have led me to be negative, but thanks for trying.
Andrew
Man, I work at HMV and I still find this hilarious. Although I do live in Moncton and we just, tend not to move things around.
Most likely because we have to deal with a lot of old town acadian french hicks who have a hard enough time finding things that are right in front of them, let alone things that get moved bi-weekly.
Artwork, FARTWORK!
HMV? More like HIV.
I work in a record store, we don't move things around... maybe you just don't remember where they are...
and remember one more thing "Mr. Everyone's-a-emo-but-me" : we are allowed to throw you out.
And don't worry about skinny "counterhelps", i'm 6 foot fucking 8. Move your head up and smarten up.
WOT...a Record store? You're 3 years late on the blog. Do Emo kids even exist anymore? At least you got into a business with a strong future. I don't think I've been in an HMV in about 2 years now. Thanks for caring 3 years later though, that is nice of you.
well i work in HMV and i love idiots like yourself. folk who want to read the 'thank you's' on a cd??? And attempt to impress people who really don't give a fuck with their knowledge about an artist that no-one cares about anymore. For a stand up comedian, your post was'nt really funny, even if i was'nt a hmv employee.
My goodness, you're a stand up comedian? That wasn't particularly funny.
With the current financial climate, HMV must be doing something right mustn't they? Considering they are still trading quite successfully.
In regards to the drastic shelf rearrangements you describe. Yes, i'll agree that's a bit too far. In our Scottish stores, we only update the chart wall or make minor shelving changes to accommodate more stock.
Also, refering to the "green-haired simpletons". Each to their own. Our staff ranges from 16-55 years olds. And the wildest hair colour i believe we have is red.
And before you comment saying "thanks for caring 3 years later." I do apologise in advance, I just so happened to stumble across this page by accident.
Chill out, if HMV isn't for you; pay a visit to a FOPP store, or Wall-Mart for your entertainment needs? (Pardon my ignorance regarding Canadian stores.)
Take Care,
Caroline
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